Being a blessing to others:) dont get discouraged in doing good!

"let us not just love by word or with tongue...but by our deeds and truths" 1 John 3:18 ♥ this was my verse/inspirational for the day...and i lived it and i was exhausted by the end of the day...lol. thats why i am a day late posting. i even laid back down and slept until 10:15! ugh i feel like a bum doing that but i literally couldnt open my eyes.

okay well let me start first by saying...in trying to oust the negative things out of your life, it ceratainly highlights the negative/stressful sources...lol

okay so in the stranger kindness portion: i actually had a lady approach me in Costco...she was saying how cute Brayden was and how i should put him in one of those picture contest(he had on my cap) she was holding her hands under her arm pits in an odd way. my aunt was talking to her and as she was leaving my aunt says "God bless you maam and have a great day" As we were walking she said 'please tell her thank you for that, she doesnt know what that means to a 2 time breast cancer survivor' wow i thought...i have to hear her story(testimony) shes wanting to share it and its being presented to me,(thank you God for the lesson) thats where my bible study this AM comes into play...thank you for hte confirmation. She went into how she was diagnosed...after a mamomgram...no signs...no symptoms...and hormone replacement therapy they believe was the reason. it was an estrogen tumor...hmmm very interesting me. Then she said the second time it came back...within the same year it was bigger and worse. they removed both of her breasts:/ and didnt want to even attempt reconstruction because of what all she had already been through. During the time all this happened her husband who BTW was 70 was in Iraq working and her home buisness was going to have to close because she jut couldnt handle it all. STRESS she said...thats what made me sick WOW WOW WOW! i felt like she was sent directly from God to talk to me...like a warning to stop stressing. She proceeded to tell me how let she was by all her "friends and family" for not being there for her and how alone she felt! i was sitting there in awe at her story. Even with her having cancer,husband gone,losing buisness,money issues...people turned their backs. i wanted to cry for her i could see the pain. then i thought at that moment God wants us to put our faith in him...not fellow man. And she said...i realized then to 'let go' i had to let go of all the people,things etc...that didnt bring health to my life and put my focus where it belongs. I hugged her and told her how proud i was of her courage and that i loved her,would pray for her and God bless you. As we left the store i could see the smile as she walked to catch up with her husband. Now i wish i would have gotten her name...but maybe she was one of those "everyday angels" sent from the good Lord to let us know he may be very busy but he is watching and dont give up the good fight! Friends dont ever ever let other people force you into doing or accepting things or people who cause you pain,unhealth or take you off your walk...oust the negtivity...it will cost you your best life.

i had no 10 min 'me time' i even missed my standing appt with my personal trainer and lost mt 50 LT bucks:/ but i did get to take my sister to get a job(which she did)yay! and spent time with my aunt debbie at the store:) i wish she knew what a blessing she is...again its that generational curse thing...blah! get outta here!!

i did none of my workout:(

i spent time with the kids by helping the middle one with her 'forgotten until the last minute project' at 10 pm...lol and the time i spent with the other 2 was during the 4 hour drive around the metroplex...lol

negatives/postitives

1.sister complaining: instead of getting angry and saying this and that (believe me i wanted to lol) i uplifted her with hope:) that was a job! for those that know her...love you sis<3

2.driving the long drive to practices: one day she will be grown and moved out;/ and though im tired today and wouldve like to spend some time on myself, i am so very grateful for her and these moments:)

3.the "forgotten over due project" okay again one day she will be moved out or wont need or want my help anymore and i love her so much...lets do it:) and some kids dont even do homework and dont care if the fail...mine does so yeah:)

4.not happy with the flabby wave flap of fat under my arm...my son brought it woo my attention...but hey im working on it and it makes him laugh so bump it! lol:)

5.my husband and all his "stuff" FAIL in making a positive out that right now...Lord this ones in your court. the 'grown man' behaving like a child is a MAJOR issue in my life...pray for me. But idk how they do it KY but here they would never leave a new harley waiting outside the gates after you fix it with the keys in the saddlebag and no paperwork signed...like i said! lol(and im not husband bashing...im being honest and keeping it real)

okay so there ya go...the good the bad the ugly...day 3 bring it!

Happiness is a Choice

My "quote" for the day comes from the book The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie. Its a book of meditations for the every day. I scrolled to September 7 and this is what I found (unfortunately I read this AFTER having had a really bad day:(). 

  Stop making excuses for other people.

  Stop making excuses for ourselves. 

  While it is our goal to develop compassion and achieve forgiveness, acceptance, and love, it is also our goal to accept reality and hold people accountable for their behavior. We can also hold ourselves accountable for our own behavior, and, at the same time, have compassion and understanding for ourselves.

  When we claim powerlessness, we are not claiming irresponsibility. We have no power to control others, what they do, what they did, or what they might do. We're stating that we are willing to end an ineffective life based on willpower and control. And we're beginning a spiritual, mental, and emotional journey in which we take responsibility for ourselves.

  We are not victims. We are not helpless. Accepting powerlessness when that is appropriate enables us to begin owning our true power to take care of ourselves.-Melody Beattie

Again, perhaps I should have read this passage this morning before I CHOSE to let my day become what it did. I recognize that it is only Day 2 and that I cannot expect myself to have no failings but man what a day. I woke up at 5 am to hit up the gym with a friend and woke feeling irritated so it was no surprise that I would attack my body immediately (after all its always an ample target). 

a.)         a.)  Put on my workout clothes and tried to go off on my thighs again. I didn’t go through my two positives, however I did choose to walk away from the mirror and not self- torture.

b             b.)   Dropped my water bottle (left opened on my passenger seat) while turning onto a road which is being worked on. “Son of a bitch, if these assholes would just finish this stupid paving this wouldn’t have happened.” Again, failed to come up with my two positives BUT I did think of other things to stop the negativity from continuing past these comments.

  

       c.)   At the Body Pump Class (this was my first time) I tried grabbing someone else’s step (I didn’t know) and berated myself for most of the hour long class for being such a dummy and grabbing someone else’s step. The drive home was better. I reminded myself that there are no good and bad things in life only neutral things and that I choose whether they are good or bad.

      

       d.) Feeling overall hopeless today. I didn't get called to sub today and we really could use the money so I felt like I was failing my family and powerless over my own lot in life. I didn't get an opportunity to visit my friend in the hospital, which again led me to feel as if I am failing those who matter so much to me. I decided to binge on candy corn, which as usual only made me feel worse and subsequently harder on myself in regards to my body. One thing I recognize is when I get this way I am nothing but poisonous to those around me. I began talking shit about people, snapping at Randy, and forgetting my new vows to change my life. 

       Today essentially opened my eyes more. When I get in these moods where I just spew and spew I feel upset that I wasted a day of my life on insignificant BS. I took my 3 year old daughter for her very first manicure today and she was positively glowing. I so desperately want to be a good role model for her. I cannot stomach the idea of her talking to herself as I do. I heard from a therapist once that "you will always fail if you tell yourself 'shoulds.' 'I should be doing this or I should be acting this way.' Instead  we should start with acceptance. 'I am sarcastic, I am a loud mouth, I am selfish once in a while.' From there you can begin to change, but before you can walk you must learn to crawl."

      I did not help a stranger today, but I did continue to be polite and kind to those around me minus my husband unfortunately (he felt a lot of snappiness from me). 

      All I can say is that tomorrow is another day, another opportunity to try again.

day 1 of our journey into health and healing for us,our kids and generations to come:)

Before I start just a few things: This is a blog for my good friend and I to share our feelings,emotions,our walk etc...there is no room for spell checking(so while i appreciate you english teachers out there) give us a break...im texan for one and will prob be speaking in slang abbreviations etc... Also there is no room for any policital correctness either...this is strictly our journey and in doing this we hope to inspire other women and to also let them know they are not alone. There may be one thing or 5 that you can or cant relate to...were here because we realize we have shortcomings and want to change for ourselves,our children and generations to come:) I will get more into the details of why we decided to do this later.

today day 1: kind of ironic it starts today...it would have been my nana's birthday(RIP nana) love and miss her deeply...however i know alot of the issues im dealing with come from her...God bless her heart...truly dont think she ever knew better:/

we agreed to do several things each day as forms of personal growth:

a quote/bible verse/inpirational...started my day out with 3 quotes: 3 due to confirmation on my feelings of hope to break the chains that bind me daily.

1. So often time it happens, we all live our life in chains, and we never even know we have the key. ~The Eagles
--i thought this was excellent...so much to do with a generational curse.

defintion:Generational curses are judgments that are passed on to individuals because of sins perpetuated in a family in a number of generations. Generational curses are similar to original sin curses because they can be passed down on a generational basis. They differ in that generational curses do not impose eternal judgment. They bring judgment or bondage during an individual’s life, reducing the quality of life, until that individual addresses the sin issues that put the curses into place. to me its like a form of alcoholism,abuse,insecurity,jealousy etc...all unhealthy!

2. If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it. ~Mary Engelbreit
--this one is refreshing because its taken me this long to truly realize the people i looked up to as a child are 'just people' too...they make mistakes and have their own issues. I cant change that but i can change the way i think about it:)

3. I'd rather live my life knowing that I'm not perfect, rather than spending my whole life pretending to be;)
--this one makes me smile because it states something i feel about several people directly involved in my life. well now indirectly but still in the mainstream of it all...lol

Spend 10 minutes alone with God outside in nature: didnt happen...however i did read some scripture and manage to quickly shower before the madness began...lol

the workout: no lifetime...but started the 100 workout(ty tracy) but only halfway completed...SAHMandW duty called all day...lol

spend time with kiddos one on one...will try again tomorrow

eliminating the 5 negatives and replacing each with 2 positives:

i fight negativity from the second i wake up anymore. this morning i couldnt get the door unlocked(because the kids have pushed on it so much when its locked due to their impatience)that it needs to be tightned or something and i couldnt get out so of course"shit" was probably my 1st word of the day...ugh. then i got mad at steven thinking of course he wont fix it he doesnt fix anything. so i immediately pushed the chain of negativity that was creeping up out and said thank you God for this awesome weather and told my daughter to have a  great day at school and realized how proud i truly am of her hard work in making varsity this year:) and also patted myself on the back for helping her achieve her dreams:)

so i had this awesome day planned and get a call from my husband telling me how crappy his day is and how the expensive bike he just bought has to go to the shop and he needs a ride now. hmmmm. so i hung up the phone. im sure after saying 'shit' again...haha. but then pushed out the chain that begin again...hes so selfish,what about me,all my laundry is already out to do,oh braydens hungry needs a nap,this interferes with my day etc...and got up and went. on the way i had a great convo with an awesome friend and he filled my gas up...hey win win:)

then i went to put on some pants i have and they looked so gross on my backside...i was looking in the mirror thinking all these thoughts again...ugh my body will never be the same,will i need plastic surgery on and on...then Brayden walks in with my sunglasses on saying mama car car...lol i picked him up and thanked God for such a blessing he is. then i threw the pants away;)

so i get on FB and of course the devil throws it out there like a bone...once again the negativeness and anger of someone being fake and lying. they didnt help me when i needed it,never return what i do blah blah blah...so i deleted the strife...and decided to cut ties until im treated with respect because i deserve that and and empowered in knowing having those kind of people in your life create confusion...and i dont need that;)

I had a job interview and was hyped up...however i cancelled it.and joined a support group with other SAHM... I have to decided to embrace being a SAHM and enjoy everday at home with my sweet little man<3 and i dont need anyones approval for that!

i didnt encounter any strangers for a random act of kindness...but will make up for it while im out tomorrow.

i did my best to encourage and uplift all day long...i feel like im making a breakthrough due to how down ive been...ty for the support! one day at a time

Each Day Brings me One Step Closer to who I want to be!

It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, "Always do what you are afraid to do."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

  So for Day 1 of my new program on revamping my life and subsequently my attitude, I found several repeats in the negative department. This tells me what to look for and be aware of for future prevention.

  I probably had more negatives then this, but I didn't remember to write down every little thing. Its tough with woking to have an opportunity to write down everything.

a.) Went to the gym this morning and looked at myself in the mirror and said "God, look at your inner thighs that's disgusting. How can you live with yourself?" I said this in my head then tried to think of my two positives to replace this negative..."But the back of your thighs have a muscle that's starting to show that's cool, and your arms look really trim and cut"-not my best work but a start.

b.) At work I went into the classroom before the students arrived and said "You're a fraud, you have no idea what you are doing and the kids will eat you alive." While I couldn't come up with my two positives, at the end of the day I told myself "Guin, you did great today, the kids really seemed to enjoy the class and you maintained classroom management...I'm so proud of you."

c.) Had a bit of a breakdown when my son, Logan and I were playing "pretend makeup" he was pulling my shirt up and asking me about my belly button and what it is, etc. I saw my stretch marked covered stomach and felt very crappy about myself. I started to wonder how anyone could find me attractive then I stopped and told myself "you have no control over whether or not you get stretch marks from pregnancy its not your fault." That seemed to make me feel a little better.

In regards to complimenting or helping a stranger I decided to focus on other women today who may be struggling with body image issues.

At the gym, there was a pregnant woman walking the track while I ran. During my cool down I decided to slow down and talk to her. I told her “You are absolutely gorgeous. You’re definitely glowing and that’s the look that makes people want to be pregnant.” She seemed rather surprised then smiled and put her hand on my arm and thanked me. It felt good to tell her that, because I wish someone had said that to me when I was pregnant. Its a lonely place being pregnant, in regards to body image issues. I also helped a woman at the kids' school with getting in the building. She looked fantastic ESPECIALLY for having a little baby so I made sure to tell her how beautiful she looked. I will be working on my compliments to people because I tend to overexplain or go overboard to where it almost seems not genuine.

Perhaps my hardest goal today was attempting to be "present" with my kiddos for an hour. I ended up making it 15 minutes of playing at the park where I was completely saturated with just the kiddos and not thinking of anything else. Definitely a work in progress to get to that hour where I can be 100%. This is not to say that I neglect my children, it is just that when I am playing with them I'm not always completely 100 percent mentally immersed in the activity we are doing.