Stop making excuses for other people.
Stop making excuses for ourselves.
While it is our goal to develop compassion and achieve forgiveness, acceptance, and love, it is also our goal to accept reality and hold people accountable for their behavior. We can also hold ourselves accountable for our own behavior, and, at the same time, have compassion and understanding for ourselves.
When we claim powerlessness, we are not claiming irresponsibility. We have no power to control others, what they do, what they did, or what they might do. We're stating that we are willing to end an ineffective life based on willpower and control. And we're beginning a spiritual, mental, and emotional journey in which we take responsibility for ourselves.
We are not victims. We are not helpless. Accepting powerlessness when that is appropriate enables us to begin owning our true power to take care of ourselves.-Melody Beattie
Again, perhaps I should have read this passage this morning before I CHOSE to let my day become what it did. I recognize that it is only Day 2 and that I cannot expect myself to have no failings but man what a day. I woke up at 5 am to hit up the gym with a friend and woke feeling irritated so it was no surprise that I would attack my body immediately (after all its always an ample target).
a.) a.) Put on my workout clothes and tried to go off on my thighs again. I didn’t go through my two positives, however I did choose to walk away from the mirror and not self- torture.
b b.) Dropped my water bottle (left opened on my passenger seat) while turning onto a road which is being worked on. “Son of a bitch, if these assholes would just finish this stupid paving this wouldn’t have happened.” Again, failed to come up with my two positives BUT I did think of other things to stop the negativity from continuing past these comments.
c.) At the Body Pump Class (this was my first time) I tried grabbing someone else’s step (I didn’t know) and berated myself for most of the hour long class for being such a dummy and grabbing someone else’s step. The drive home was better. I reminded myself that there are no good and bad things in life only neutral things and that I choose whether they are good or bad.
d.) Feeling overall hopeless today. I didn't get called to sub today and we really could use the money so I felt like I was failing my family and powerless over my own lot in life. I didn't get an opportunity to visit my friend in the hospital, which again led me to feel as if I am failing those who matter so much to me. I decided to binge on candy corn, which as usual only made me feel worse and subsequently harder on myself in regards to my body. One thing I recognize is when I get this way I am nothing but poisonous to those around me. I began talking shit about people, snapping at Randy, and forgetting my new vows to change my life.
Today essentially opened my eyes more. When I get in these moods where I just spew and spew I feel upset that I wasted a day of my life on insignificant BS. I took my 3 year old daughter for her very first manicure today and she was positively glowing. I so desperately want to be a good role model for her. I cannot stomach the idea of her talking to herself as I do. I heard from a therapist once that "you will always fail if you tell yourself 'shoulds.' 'I should be doing this or I should be acting this way.' Instead we should start with acceptance. 'I am sarcastic, I am a loud mouth, I am selfish once in a while.' From there you can begin to change, but before you can walk you must learn to crawl."
I did not help a stranger today, but I did continue to be polite and kind to those around me minus my husband unfortunately (he felt a lot of snappiness from me).
All I can say is that tomorrow is another day, another opportunity to try again.
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